"IN THE main, and from the beginning of time, mysticism has kept men sane; the thing that has driven them mad is logic," wrote G.K. Chesterton.

NICOLE KIDMAN -- our Nicole -- playing a sex-change person who is at first the husband to Gwyneth Paltrow and then becomes a woman?! (This is ostensibly for a movie based on David Ebershoff's novel "The Danish Girl.")

Well, Nicole is ever brave and daring in her choices. She'll try almost anything, even opening a movie portraying a male, which she in no way resembles. The LA Times let these two big stars have it this week, writing: "Two of the coldest and least sexy actresses in Hollywood? (Make that on the planet.)" This will no doubt encourage Nicole and Gwyneth to heat up their images, though the LA Times contends that Gwyneth would make a better male than the porcelain-skinned Nicole.

We can add to all this, Nicole's newly imagined world image as she fights the trafficking and selling of women everywhere. For several years, she has backed Mayor Michael Bloomberg's fight to improve the lot of battered women and children via his Fund to Advance New York. Now she is going international.

LACHLAN MURDOCH, my personal favorite of all the Murdochs worldwide, is the eldest son of Rupert. He has just outbid the ever-changing Nicole Kidman, the never-changing Russell Crowe and six others to buy a famous house in Sydney, Australia, which was the former French Consulate, located in the exclusive eastern suburbs.

Lachlan, who leads an investment group called Illyria Pty Ltd., and his beautiful wife, Sarah, are expecting a third child in Australia. He paid a record $23 million for the six-bedroom house with panoramic views of the Pacific Ocean. It has a tennis court, swimming pool, five bathrooms, two studies, guest powder room and three-car garage.

For a while, Lachlan was working in Manhattan running his father's tabloid The New York Post. In my humble opinion, things have never been the same since he left to go to Australia. Recently, the New York Times carried a headline "Sober Mood at New York Post As Circulation Spirals Lower." The Times reports that the paper's circulation is down almost 30 percent in two-and-a-half years. (Hmmm, maybe they shouldn't have fired that veteran gossip columnist last March; somebody named Liz something.)

But here's to the Post surviving. I don't like to see any newspaper go under and we need as many newspapers as we can get. The Post is a vital part of the New York zeitgeist.

THIS SATURDAY, under the aegis of Gaston & Sheehan Auctioneers and the U.S. Marshals Service, you have the chance to bid on a New York Jets jacket with the name "Madoff" on the back! Yes, some of Bernie's stuff will go under the hammer, though the Marshals Service doesn't assume liability as to the accuracy or value of all the jewelry (seven diamond rings, earrings and bracelets), yacht boat rings, a milking stool, fur coats, three boogie boards, fishing tackle, and at least $500,000 worth of various Rolex watches.

I'VE BEEN shivering with dread ever since I saw the trailers to Sony's coming "2012" with its apocalyptic vision of the destruction of the earth. Los Angeles falls into the Pacific, an aircraft carrier is carried inland to fall on top of the White House, St. Peter's Dome collapses on worshippers, etc. The director of this $200 million dollar film, Roland Emmerich, says he was inspired by the calendar of the ancient Mayans, which seemed to say the world is coming to an end on Dec. 21, 2012.

Now the ancient Mayans weren't pikers. From about 250 to 900 AD they were aces at architecture, mathematics and astronomy. Their cyclical calendars are considered very sophisticated.

But modern Mayans in Guatemala and Mexico consider all this destructive talk ridiculous. "There is no concept of apocalypse in the Mayan culture," says Jesus Gomez, head of the Guatemalan confederation of Mayan priests. Others decry the commercial exploitation of their Mayan culture.

This theory probably rose from the Mayan Long Count calendar, which began in 3114 BC and ends at the winter solstice of 2012. (The date is debatable.) More optimistic souls believe that the expiration of the calendar will lead to a global "consciousness shift" and "a spiritual rebirth for mankind." Others point to increased sunspot activity, earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis and polar realignments as presaging disaster.

Never mind worrying. Sony is currently very hot with hits and "2012" simply promises another one of them.

JONATHAN POWELL, who was once chief of staff for Britain's Prime Minister Tony Blair, has decided to do a modern version of Machiavelli's "The Prince."

He says, "It's based on examples from the Blair, Bush and Clinton administrations. ... It tries to illustrate where power really lies ... rather than where constitutional theorists suggest it should."

ENDQUOTE: Here's reporter John Hiscock talking to Woody Allen about his latest movie, filmed in London, yet untitled: "Listening to (Woody) talk in a guilelessly downbeat manner about his lack of hope for the future, his low expectations for his movies and his fear of swine flu is one of the better entertainments available..."

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)