"EVERYTIME AN Oscar is given out, an agent gets his wings!'" said the delightful Oscar winner Kathy Bates.

THE ANNOUNCEMENT that two famous actors -- Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin -- will host the Academy Awards comes as a surprise, but a delightful one.

Just as Fred gave Ginger "class" and Ginger gave Fred "sex appeal" -- these two very different kind of guys should make a team that spells "relief," each from the other. (Steve is intellectual, cold, mysterious and not entirely human -- Alec is earthy, gutsy, impulsive and entirely human!)

And while I'm at it, I wonder, where is the big magazine evaluation of Alec Baldwin and his so-called "come back" to popularity and the big time acceptance of the public at large. Only a few years ago he had been thoroughly demonized after his tempestuous divorce from Kim Bassinger, her unending attacks on him and then his blowup over voicemail with his daughter.

People then all seemed to miss the fact that he was only human, under pressure, refusing to give up his right to see his child, continuing to work without ceasing as a journeyman actor. But reputation-wise, he couldn't get himself arrested.

Well, I was always in this guy's corner and it is so nice to see him finally getting the recognition he deserves for his unrelenting talent, sense of responsibility, and his stardom on "30 Rock," which was all too long in coming.

OK, OK, so the Oscars will be full of flaws, won't suit everybody, be overblown and over-touted and we'll have to deal with their plethora of nominees and all that. But I can hardly wait!

HERE'S SOME Brad and Angelina news that does not have the couple arguing, breaking up, or doing ridiculous things to lure one or the other back to the bedroom.

Brad and Angie spent a recent weekend personally baby-proofing their French chateau. (Oh, stop griping. They have a chateau, that's just the way life is. I'm sure you have something they don't have.)

Not only did the parents of six toddlers put plugs over the electrical outlets and all that, they even moved out some of Brad's art pieces and furniture, objects too sharp, too hard, too high and too appealing to curious tykes. So, for the time being, interesting stuff like Brad's metal woven rug are in the chateau's garage, which is probably a smaller chateau. Life isn't fair, deal with it.

IF YOU want to gauge for yourself if the "Golden Age of Television" was really all that golden, pick up the dazzling new Criterion DVD release, titled, natch, "The Golden Age of Television." This presents kinescopes of live TV broadcasts -- legendary events such as "Marty," "Requiem for a Heavyweight," "Bang the Drum Slowly" and "Days of Wine and Roses." The DVD set also features interviews with Julie Harris, Piper Laurie, Cliff Robertson, Mickey Rooney, Andy Griffith and late greats such as Nancy Marchand, Rod Steiger and Jack Palance.

This was when TV was a grainy black-and-white tightrope act, and a thrilling thing to see.

I HAVE yet to read former PR flack Michael Selsman's book, "All Is Vanity." From what I hear, it "tells all" on stars such as Rock Hudson, Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe. Really? What more is there to tell? (Rock, gay ... Judy and Marilyn, addicted.)

Selsman, who worked for 20th Century Fox, had plenty of contact with Monroe in the last, fraught year of her life. He has always seemed a bit bitter when I've heard him speak about that experience in interviews.

Selsman loves to tell one story, which will surely be in his book. He always cites it as an example of Marilyn's "cruelty." Here goes: 1961. Marilyn, age 35, is scheduled to look over photographs of herself, nude in bed, under a sheet. The photographer, Douglas Kirkland is there and perhaps one other PR person.

Selsman shows up at the door of Marilyn's small Doheny Drive apartment accompanied by his 22-year-old, blonde, beautiful, heavily pregnant wife, Carol Lynley, who is also a Fox actress. He did not alert Marilyn as to Carol's presence. Monroe tells Selsman to come in, but indicates Carol should wait outside in the car. The conversation and selection of the pictures takes more than an hour. "Poor Carol," says Selsman, is sitting in the car, "freezing."

I believe every word of this story. And I can't say I blame Marilyn one bit. A press agent shows up with a girl who is everything Monroe is not, or has attempted and failed to be -- young, fresh, just starting out, married and pregnant. And Selsman brings Carol into a professional situation where Marilyn is observing, commenting on, editing and approving her image. An image already in jeopardy. Uhhh ... that's the kind of presumption that gets a guy fired. (He wasn't, so Monroe wasn't that mean.) By then, Selsman knew how insecure the star was. He should have left the young, pretty, pregnant Miss Lynley home with a friend.

I'd venture that a lot of "All Is Vanity" is in this vein of ripping the curtain away and exposing the "real" story. The real story is this -- stars are human beings, often troubled. But I'll be interested anyway, when it arrives on my desk.

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)