"I DON'T make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts," wrote Will Rogers, long ago in another economic depression.

PAULA WAGNER is a producer you might recognize because she did the "Mission: Impossible" movies as well as other Tom Cruise hits like "The Last Samurai" and "Vanilla Sky."

Now she is announcing a new original musical with hip-hop legends Run-D.M.C., one of the most groundbreaking music groups of all time.

Joseph "Rev Run" Simmons and Darryl "DMC" McDaniels are meeting with Paula this week in New York to observe other musical offerings on Broadway. Their own inspirational story of their rise is a compelling and dramatic journey and Paula's new Chestnut Ridge Productions will oversee it.

She says Run-D.M.C. was the first rap act to cross over and influence American music. The story of Simmons, McDaniels and their musical partner Jason "Jam Master Jay" Mizell (a man who was murdered in 2002) will be told in a unique manner.

Paula says, "I feel their story lends itself perfectly to the stage. This project has been a passion of mine for some time and I couldn't be more thrilled to be working with them."

EDITH ANN and ERNESTINE are two characters that Americans feel belong totally to them. So Lily Tomlin is bringing them back to play casinos and venues all over the country. "This is new ground for me," says Lily.

I always think of my Lily as a more serious person -- one who has acted in "Nashville" and other important films, as well as playing the character Deborah Fiderer, Josiah Bartlet's eccentric presidential secretary in "The West Wing."

Lily has already taken her many characters to Aurora, Ill., St. Louis, Mo., and Santa Barbara, Calif. Here's where you might see her in the flesh:

Oct. 22 -- Peekskill, N.Y.'s Paramount Center for the Arts

Oct. 23 -- New Jersey PAC in Newark

Oct. 24 -- The Music Box in Atlantic City

Nov. 7 -- Boise, Idaho's Morrison Center

Nov. 8 -- The Ginger Rogers Theater in Medford, Ore.

And that's only the beginning. Lily has dates through March 2010 and you can look them up on www.lilytomlin.com.

IF YOU GO TO Rome before February 2010, don't fail to drop by the Palazzo Ruspoli and see the actress Grace Kelly's wedding dress, her jewelry and intimate family photos. These are on loan from the Palace of Monaco where Princess Grace is still much revered. (The beautiful blonde Grace died in an auto accident in 1982 on the Riviera.)

Grace was a Hollywood star who won the Oscar and made a number of unforgettable films -- "Rear Window," "Mogambo," "To Catch a Thief," "The Country Girl" and "High Society." Amazing to recall that she retired from moviemaking at age 26!

RIDLEY SCOTT, the man who produced that immortal sci-fi movie with Harrison Ford called "Blade Runner," is set to do a horror film based on some really horrible facts.

He will give us a story about the British serial murderer Peter Sutcliffe who killed at least 13 women in the '70s and was caught and put in prison in 1981.

DO YOU believe there is actually a Dorothy Parker poem that we've never read before? The writer Tom Leonard of New York says there is and the Sunday Telegraph in London printed it.

Titled "Pollyanna Gets the Air" it goes like this:

"So many others had gone before --

Didn't I know that I'd not be last?

So many names on his heart he wore --

Didn't I know it would soon be past?

Ever I saw, as my day ran by,

From the beginning, the end thereof:

Gladly and eagerly, though, did I

Give him my love.

Gaily we sped through our golden day --

Could there be grief, when he broke his vow?

Gaily I'd given my heart away --

Could there be bitterness in it now?

Fragrant and fresh are my memories:

Sorrow and yearning they rise above.

Tell him I never am sad -- and please

Give him my love."

Mr. Leonard says Parker had a brief affair in the early '20s with the fabled playwright and womanizer Charles MacArthur, wed to actress Helen Hayes. In fact, both parties were married and when Dotty found herself pregnant, she had an abortion and attempted suicide. She is supposed to have said, "How like me, to put all my eggs into one bastard!"

Stuart Silverstein, who has edited an updated anthology, included the poem in a fresh edition of "The Uncollected Dorothy Parker," saying it was discovered in a 50,000-item collection of manuscripts owned by an eccentric millionaire named DeCoursey Fales. Silverstein says it matches Dotty's earlier typed work and had once appeared in a minor magazine published by her friend Robert Sherwood.

ENDQUOTE: Whoopi Goldberg, touting her new show "Head Games" on the Science Channel, told People magazine that she loves to play games. "Anything that keeps me occupied from getting married again!"

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)