"WHO WOULD want to butcher a cash cow -- especially one that produces mystique as well as money!" goes the line from a New York Times editorial.

HMMM, WELL, let's consider the sensational trial of Anthony Marshall for the looting of his famous mother's fortune. This unfortunate episode in New York social history is a stunning example of that well-known and often tragic "Law of Unintended Consequences."

In an attempt to wrest away Tony Marshall's control of Brooke Astor as she traveled the rocky road from being 100 years old to 105, her grandson and two other good friends were successful.

Philip Marshall, Annette de la Renta and David Rockefeller managed to restore Brooke's style of living, returning her beloved dogs and servants to her and move her back to her country house for the final years of her life. But in acting on information from Brooke's grandson Philip and various Brooke Astor aides, they then set in motion a sequence that ended recently with Tony Marshall's conviction for grand larceny for defrauding his famous philanthropic mother. He is now eligible for 25 years in prison at the age of 85.

I simply can't believe this was anybody's ultimate intention. When I saw the photos again of Brooke and Tony under the heading, "Guilty!" I flinched. Mrs. Astor would have given up all she owned not to have had this blot on her escutcheon. It's true, Brooke disapproved of Tony's wife, Charlene, still; I think she'd have moved heaven and earth to keep this sordid story out of the courts and the newspapers.

Brooke indeed might have been offended had she known of accusations against her only son; but she'd never have wanted this end result.

Brooke was a vivacious, flirtatious, charmer of good will and philanthropy. She was nobody's ideal mother and didn't much want to be. But no matter the good intentions of those who helped restore her in her final days, she'd have given that rescue up if she'd realized the ultimate consequences.

This is a true tragedy all the way around.

BARBRA STREISAND's pet charities will benefit on Oct. 17 and 18 when a mighty load of the star's personal belongings go up for sale during a two-day auction in Beverly Hills at Julien's Auctions. The sale includes art, furniture, clothes and film costumes. It's a chance to claim a piece of a "living legend."

ONE OF New York's underground overachievers is Deborah Norville. No, not the Deborah Norville of many years ago who was dropped spectacularly from the "Today" show without being given half a chance.

This is Deborah as she is now, super mother and super wife to the handsome Karl Wellner, dynamic hostess of TV's "Inside Edition," and book writer as well. Deborah will kick off her new work tonight in a party at Michael's popular watering hole. "The Power of Respect" follows another best seller Deborah wrote called, "Thank You Power."

I have always been in Deborah Norville's corner. She is highly underestimated. "Good Morning America" could do itself a favor and select her to replace Diane Sawyer when the latter goes to "World News Tonight."

I know, I know -- Deborah and I both could guess the reception of such a suggestion. We also know the power of respect and the lack of same.

OLD HOLLYWOOD will salute itself on Nov. 1 at the Beverly Hilton in LA when one of the industry's pet charities takes place. This is The Thalians Gala.

The year's honoree is Mickey Rooney, who began his career in vaudeville in 1925. He became one of MGM's greatest stars in the "Andy Hardy" series and other outings with his fabled co-star Judy Garland. Later, Mickey and the late Ann Miller conquered Broadway in "Sugar Babies." Mickey has an Oscar, an Emmy and two Golden Globes to his credit. He is an amazing guy who has been married eight times. Let's give him credit; his current wedlock to Jan Chamberlin has endured for 31 years.

Coming to applaud Mickey will be Ann Blyth, Connie Stevens, Shirley Jones, Debbie Reynolds, Ruta Lee and Nancy Sinatra who is producing the gala. Proceeds benefit the Mental Health Center at Cedars-Sinai. Call 310-423-1040.

YOU "HARRY POTTER" fans. Your idol Daniel Radcliffe who showed "all" recently onstage in the play "Equus" is going his grown-up way and will soon take part in a reading of the musical "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying." (If the reading is a success, the show will be produced and move to Broadway.)

The original 1961 version of this Frank Loesser show won seven Tonys and was later made into a movie. You can see the show's original star these TV nights on AMC's "Mad Men." He is Robert Morse who is now portraying a grizzled old advertising man who makes everyone take off his or her shoes before entering his office.

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)