"THE MOMENT things began to turn around in Iraq is when the USO deployed Jessica Simpson," said President Bush at a USO benefit recently.

No kidding; I don't make these things up. This was the annual gala with Robin Williams doing his stuff, saying: "We're here to raise $750 billion in a telethon for America. I just need $900 billion, man. I just ran into some bad subprime."

The great Robin had this to say about Sarah Palin: "The difference between her and Dick Cheney? She shoots you, you stay down."

WELL, AS long as we're in the vein, what is it people like most? Seems to me a large majority of men -- and women -- like a catfight. You know, women getting down and dirty, slugging it out, mud wrestling like those "Dynasty" girls. So I am here to promise you a catfight. Not soon, but maybe in about four years.

I've said over and over that the biggest celebrity in the world right now is Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. Love her or hate her, she is number one, coming before all of Hollywood's wannabes and pseudo-stars. And even the handful of real stars left totally in the shade.

So, even if McCain/Palin do not win the election in November, there is no putting Sarah away. This "Mrs. Joe Six Pack ... Soccer Mom ... Gidget Goes to St. Louis" is with us to stay. She has been described as a "young Ann Richards on steroids" and although Ann's liberal fans resent the comparison, just like Ann out of Texas -- Sarah has come out of nowhere.

One of my pet astrologers, Maxine Fiel, says Sarah has a combo of portentous signs -- "Mars in its friendly relationship to Aquarius. She is almost a personality overload, astrology-wise. Mars is her planet and accounts for her feisty nature. (Sarah is the one with the rebel makeup; she is the maverick, not John McCain.) And her stars say she's warm and caring, but not emotional. Outspoken, entering into a period of change, growth and opportunity. These are her years," says Maxine.

Now don't get all hot and start sending me e-mails and death threats. If you think this is an endorsement, well, it isn't! I could never vote for a woman who right up front tells us she'd increase the powers of the vice-presidency. Obviously, she hasn't read the new book "Angler," by Pulitzer Prize-winner Barton Gellman. It shows us what happened when Dick Cheney increased those powers.

But win or lose right now, I'm predicting we'll see Sarah Palin in what will inevitably be described as a big catfight in four years when she and Sen. Hillary Clinton go to the mat. That should be worth waiting for. Two incredible women running for president of the United States!

AND NOW for something entirely trivial from my inside fashion source. Wondering who is masterminding Sarah Palin's exquisite dressing for success? We're told it's Gahl Hodges Burt, one of the chicest women in Washington, said to be "the best dressed Republican in town." She was social secretary to Nancy Reagan from 1983 to 1985 and she is also reported to be sartorially advising Cindy McCain. Mrs. Burt's husband, Richard Burt, was the U.S. ambassador to Germany from 1985 to 1989 and he is still a senior adviser at Kissinger McLarty Associates.

The candidates do not want to be considered rich, elite or knowledgeable about such things, so they feel they can't make calls to fashion names or go out shopping lest they be found out. Sarah Palin probably wouldn't like to admit that for her big speech at the GOP convention, she was wearing a $2,500 shantung silk Valentino jacket. (Some soccer mom!) But she is getting high marks for how she looks and she looks better and better. She has makeup sculpting her face for photo advantage, including the subtle lighter foundation stripe down her nose, which brings out the cheekbones and narrows the nose. Her suits accentuate her slim waist and hips. And she carries no handbag, just like Hillary Clinton, Carla Bruni and Anna Wintour -- we seldom see these women with pocketbooks, save for evening dress. Recent photos of Michelle Obama, Cindy McCain and Laura Bush show these ladies are also liberated, usually without pocketbooks. (All of these women have entourages to schlep stuff for them.) But they look good with hands and arms free.

THE OTHER night in London, Daniel Craig (James Bond) didn't appear at the "Tribute to Ian Fleming" with his usual girl, American movie producer Satsuki Mitchell. His date was his mother, Olivia.

We'll be seeing Daniel soon in the film with the incredible title "Quantum of Solace." I can just hear people saying, "Let's go see "Kumquat of Solemn" or whatever it is ... er, you know, the James Bond movie!"

Sir Roger Moore was there, saying he'd been voted " the worst Bond ever -- yes, it's on the Internet. I had too much fun and didn't take .007 seriously."

You can read about it in Moore's delightful new book, out in November, "My Word Is My Bond" full of anecdotes about a long successful life.

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)