"GORT! Blaatu. Barada. Nikto!"

This is Oscar-winner Patricia Neal to the robot in the black-and-white 1951 version of "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

This is as good as anything for starting off the silly summer season.

PEOPLE ARE still asking whatever happened to Sean Flynn and Dana Stone? These two courageous photojournalists drove a bright red motorcycle into Communist-held Cambodia back in 1970 and were never seen again. Sean, the son of actor Errol Flynn, was on assignment for Time and Dana was a CBS cameraman.

The original book about these two adventurers, "Two of the Missing" was called "unforgettable ... magnificent ... one of the best books of the Vietnam War." Christopher Isherwood, Newsday, David Kennerly and Truman Capote all raved about it. Now Press 53 has updated the work of author Perry Deane Young and the updated edition from Ingram and Baker & Taylor has 18 new pages of photos.

THAT WAS the fabled Scotsman, Mr. Harry Benson, showing off his Commander of the British Empire Medal at the residence of the consul general from Her Majesty last week. The Queen tapped our favorite photographer on June 4. Harry was accompanied by his favorite wife and ours too, Gigi Benson.

JOEL GREY, "Cabaret's" unforgettable maestro, is always showing us new aspects of his talent. The other eve he showed off a book of his cell phone photos titled "1.3 -- Images from My Phone" at a party in Michaels. Deb and Hugh Jackman, artist Ross Blecker, Barbara Walters, Lauren Bacall, Bebe Neuwirth, Gloria Vanderbilt and Michael J. Fox all showed because I don't think Joel has any enemies; only fans.

TONIGHT at Barnes & Noble in Tribeca (97 Warren Street) at 7 p.m. there'll be the saucy Paula Froelich doing a reading of her chick lit bit "Mercury in Retrograde." Waltz right up and ask her for a date or for a gossip item. She'll probably invite you to Book Hampton then on June 13 where she'll do her stuff again out in Long Island.

WHEN WILL we find out what Oprah, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Michael Bloomberg, Ted Turner, George Soros and a few others equally philanthropic were talking about several weeks back when the gang met to brainstorm about how to handle their charitable giving? These richies got together at a private residence on the exclusive Upper East Side of Manhattan. We have our fingers crossed -- waiting to know, whither goest they?

THE LAST letter written by Louis XVI before he went to the guillotine in 1793, at the height of the French Revolution, had disappeared for eons. Now it is on public display in Paris' Museum of Letters and Manuscripts and it shows the French king asking the people to "return to your king. He will always be your father, your best friend." The letter was traced to a U.S. collector who, I'm told, parted with it for big, big bucks ... And the letters of Oscar Wilde to young Lord Alfred Douglas, "Bosie," will be put on line along with early drafts of Charles Dickens, William Blake and Emily Bronte, Robbie Burns and Walter Scott. It's called British Literary Manuscript Online and though it first goes to schools and colleges, later there'll be a pay-per-view service.

IN AN interview with Esquire's Scott Rabb, the new movie star of Woody Allen's latest film -- Larry David -- was asked about "the Seinfeld curse?"

Larry, who co-created the long-running TV series, snapped: Whaddya mean? Julia Louis-Dreyfus has a hit show. She's won an Emmy. It was the most absurd, silliest, stupidest thing to say that there was a curse. ... Are you crazy? It's so annoying to hear something like that. There was no curse. It's crazy. So there were two TV shows attempted that didn't work? Big deal. How many TV shows work?

Scott went on: I seem to remember Costanza doing Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials.

Larry: Well, he's entitled to make a living. But a curse? It's so absurd.

Scott: Michael Richards?

Larry: Well, he had a show that was taken off, canceled.

Scott: Not that. He committed career seppuka.

Larry: Well, we don't know that. We're a forgiving people. Don't forget America forgives. Right?

Scott: So no curse.

Larry: No. No. That's the most idiotic notion.

I SAT next to my friend and colleague from WNBC, at a lunch the other day. Gabe Pressman is one of the journalism wonders of New York broadcasting. He has been an astute TV news analyst for years and I had the pleasure of working with him side by side on the fabled "Live at Five." All of us were in awe of Gabe who was a real reporter.

I asked Gabe why he isn't much on the air? He laughed and said he was hidden away by the powers that be, working on Web matters. "They think I am too old to work on the air," shrugged Gabe the legend.

I said, "Why haven't they fired you?" Gabe chuckled. "They can't. I have a lifetime contract arranged by Bob Wright before he retired. I am there for the long haul whether they use me or not."

Personally, I think they ought to give Gabe his own spot on air. He is the last of the greats.

ENDQUOTE: Richard Dreyfuss when asked about playing Dick Cheney in the movie "W."

"He should be indicted by an American court for endorsing torture and damaging the reputation of the Unite States worse than any administration. I don't think he should waste his one phone call on an actor. He should call a very good lawyer."

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)

"THIS TIME there could be no mistake about it; it was neither more nor less a pig, and she felt it would be quite absurd for her to carry it any further."

This is from Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland" and the British cartoonist Garland now shows Alice as The Voter and the Pig as a Member of Parliament in the current expense scandal that has shaken England to its core.

You'll find a succinct explanation of this problem in editor Graydon Carter's column in the new Vanity Fair. And we have been writing about this scandal here since May 14.

Economic and political repercussions from this matter of so many Members of Parliament abusing their expense accounts are grave.

THERE ARE two women in Hollywood -- where women don't count for much in the scheme of moviemaking -- whom I admire greatly. These self-made producing, writing, directing beauties have taken the bull by the horns to make films on their own terms.

They are Jennifer Westfeldt who created a movie role for herself in the underground hit "Kissing Jessica Stein" and Nia Vardalos who cashed in after she did everything but carry gaffer tape in her self-created Oscar-nominated smash "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." (If Hollywood won't give you a tumble, maybe if you write your own material, you can break the glass ceiling. It has happened over and over. Look at Sly Stallone and "Rocky.")

The other day I had a chance to visit with Nia in person as she is all over the place pushing her second Greek girl hit, "My Life in Ruins." (The Wow site's Kristin Fritz has already done an in-depth interview with Nia, which I urge you to discover and read for yourself. But I have one or two things to add.)

NIA, WHO is beautiful in the flesh, was laughing when we sat down about a big display in People mag where she told them frankly about the perils of women trying to get ahead in La La Land, about her struggle to adopt a baby girl, and all about her latest effort to cash in on her Greek heritage. "But they chose to show me as "40 lbs. Lighter" and all they were interested in was 'How I Took It Off."

Ms. Vardalos wants us to rush to her latest movie comedy about a Greek tour guide who falls for a man she can't see for dirt at first. She was urging me to urge you to hit the theaters last weekend to give her latest some chance of a life. Says Nia, "Fox Searchlight" has been very good to me but I feel I need to push on top of that because this is movie for women and women need to support such. It's a kind of date movie, but not a chick flick. I just feel women don't know or realize their power. We were the first ever given the right to film at the Acropolis in Athens. And producer Rita Wilson and I were both made honorary cultural ambassadors, so if you get a parking ticket in Athens, call us!"

I wanted to talk to Nia about my pet favorite movie of hers -- "Connie and Carla" -- an effort in 2004 where she and Toni Collette hide out from gangsters in a drag queen community. David Duchovny was the hetero love interest. Nia agreed with me that this offbeat comedy was vast fun, but didn't really make it commercially. "As usual, nobody made any money and we cast all our friends in it." (Dear Reader: If you want to laugh, rent "Connie and Carla." It's just a delightful blip in the Nia Vardalos canon.)

THEN WE got off on Nia's adopted 4-year-old daughter who she has had for a year. "She is the triumph of my life!" says Nia who urges others to check out American Foster Adopt and find one of the so-called "unadoptables" who are no longer infants.

"She has changed me. She teaches me to be brave.

The other day we got on an airplane and as we took off, with me in my usual hysteria, she turned to me triumphantly and said, 'We're flying!' I appreciate new things from her every day. I realize now that my futile efforts to have a baby were all because I was supposed to be 'her' mother!"

Sitting with Nia, I was struck by her ethnic beauty. She could play Greek, Italian, Jewish, Middle Eastern or, she laughs, "Just plain old Canadian!" She raved about her close family ties -- parents and siblings have all been behind her, as well as her good friends Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks. Nia says she became a professional writer in order to create roles for herself and her pals in film.

She has another film titled "I Hate Valentine's Day" coming soon. (With John Corbett from "Big Fat Greek...") This one, Nia directed. But she and her actor husband, Ian Gomez may buy a place in New York, because -- Nia's next move? She wants to work on the Broadway or off-Broadway stage.

Meantime, go see "My Life in Ruins." Help make it a hit.

NIA-lisims: "Success comes in all shapes and sizes and ages. I have three different sizes of clothes in my closet, and that to me is the key to happiness. I love my body!" ... "There's a wave of sarcasm and dirty humor and mean-spirited female jokes in a lot of comedies. And the opposite of that is the message I'm trying to send. You don't have to be mean to create comedy. You don't have to be dirty." ... "At my daughter's christening, I noticed they put a lot of virgin olive oil in the water and I said to myself, 'this is why we Greeks never age; we are dipped in oil!'"

(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)