"ACCORDING TO News of the World..."
This is one of Britain's most notorious tabloids. Does anybody take what they print seriously?
Well, yes, since the entire planet has picked up on the paper's Brad and Angelina "split up." It's been hotly denied but nobody wants to believe that. Apparently it's so much more fun to imagine them as unhappy.
The couple has never married and both were wealthy and famous prior to their coupling. So the alleged gazillion dollar "settlement" makes no sense to me. If they part, I'd assume the only issue would be the six children. But even if that -- Mr. Pitt and Miss Jolie are serious people, committed to their kids. I don't see an undignified custody battle looming, no matter what happens to their "romance."
This continued nipping at the heels of Brad and Angie reminds me very much of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. From the moment Demi and Bruce married, the gossips had them splitting. After 11 years and three children, the couple did finally separate, and everybody jumped up and down and gleefully said, "we told you so!"
Well, 11 years is not insignificant, especially in the high-pressure world of show biz where both partners are famous. I always thought Bruce and Demi were pretty happy -- certainly they were adorable when I spoke to both of them on the phone, way back when -- at least three years before they parted. They'd called me to debunk the latest divorce rumor.
Just about the only negative thing I have to say about Brad and Angelina is this -- hasn't Brad heard of the makeup department? He's been growing that horrible thing on his chin for months, for a movie role. Ugh. I'm surprised nobody's picked up on that with a "How Brad Uses His Beard to Avoid Sex With Angie" article.
Well, maybe now they will.
EVER SINCE the fourth "Spider-Man" movie collapsed, with the withdrawal of Tobey Maguire and director Sam Raimi, the big name game in Hollywood is who will be the new Peter Parker, aka Spidey? (The fourth installment of the franchise will happen with director Marc Webb taking over from Raimi.)
All three Jonas brothers have been considered. (Especially Nick.) And various creatures of the undead are hot for the role, such as Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Basically, anybody who doesn't have to shave twice a day is up for grabs.
So here's a dark horse candidate who might cross the finish line -- David Henrie. He is the hot star of Disney's hit series "Wizards of Waverly Place." David is 19 and has pretty much outgrown his role on the "Wizards" show. It's getting hard for him to show much enthusiasm for behaving childishly, and waving a magic wand. David is tall, dark and handsome and built like a brick spider web. He can act, too. And -- he's anxious to shed his mouse ears and move on. In a big way.
If it happens, you read it here first.
P.S. On the subject of "Wizards of Waverly Place," Mr. Henrie's co-star, Selena Gomez, who plays his sister on the show, is also maturing. She is probably the most versatile of the current crop of Disney tweens and teens. Her big-screen debut can't be held off much longer.
WE ALWAYS refer to the Golden Globes as "the party of the year." But I think GG's have to accept a tie for that appellation with Clive Davis' annual, legendary Pre-Grammy party, at the Beverly Hilton on Jan. 30.
This event is so A-list it is impossible to crash -- and believe me many have tried! I ran into Clive recently at a Broadway theater. He urged me to join his stellar guest list. (Prince, Taylor Swift, Jimmy Kimmel, the mayor of Los Angeles, etc.) But I have a charity event I can't get out of, so I'm going to have to cover from afar. Clive is so creative and such a wonderful gent.
Clive's party lures music stars, movie legends, TV icons and politicians. It's always a big secret who'll perform at the show. But it's no secret to us. Established superstars Mary J. Blige and Harry Connick Jr. are on board, and newcomer Ke$ha is also set to sing. Naturally Ke$ha hopes to become the new Whitney Houston or Alicia Keys, both of whom launched their careers at Clive's fete.
THE VAMPIRE genre never becomes anemic. Now comes word that Sam Worthington, one of the flesh and blood stars of "Avatar," is set to star in "Dracula: Year Zero." This is not a re-tread of the old caped and tuxedoed neck-biter. Rather, "Year Zero" goes back to vampire roots, with its story of Vlad the Impaler, Prince of Wallachia. (The current Romania.)
Vlad Dracula was a misunderstood guy who had to suffer a great deal before he could settle down and oppose the Ottoman Empire. He was kidnapped and flogged and separated from his royal family early on. Typical 13th-century stuff.
Once he was on the throne he ruled reasonably well, but had his little ways -- the impalements. Sources conflict about just how many people Vlad impaled -- the low is 40,000. The high, 100,000. But who's counting when it takes three days to expire in this horrible way?!
Vlad wasn't really vampiric, like the notorious Elizabeth Bathory, who is said to have bathed in the blood of virgins. OK -- he might have been caught once dipping a piece of bread into a pool of blood and taking a lick. Normal barbaric curiosity, I'd say. But then as now, gossip spread and in time, a rumor about drinking blood was all that an author like Bram Stoker needed to give his elegant fictional vampire a name -- Dracula.
The new Drac film is supposed to portray Vlad as a troubled sort who fought like hell not to impale anybody.
He only did it because nobody took him seriously when he put up signs that read, "Please don't invade" and "Please don't talk back."
(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)
