"IT'S NOT raining; God is crying over NBC!"
Even the most major publications cited this Tina Fey remark as the wittiest of many insults hurled at the peacock network during Sunday's Golden Globes Awards.
And, I don't care what the E! style mavens say, I thought Tina's dress was deliberately whimsical, just as she is. And the necessary umbrella she employed gave it a downright "Mary Poppins" vibe.
AWARD SHOWS have become like punctuation marks. Once important, they pass quickly into pop culture oblivion, overtaken by instant blogging and Twittering. But the specter of Haiti did cast a little dose of reality over the proceedings.
The show itself? It moved! I think this was because Hollywood and the press established a real party atmosphere.
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association was always something of an inside joke but now everybody has grown friendly to the process via its real party. Tables of stars, doing their best to play glamorous "dress-up," close-up reaction shots, such as the ones on Quentin Tarantino. (He won precious little with his hit "Inglourious Basterds," but we had so many looks at him throughout the evening that when it ended, we felt we knew this tempestuous energetic director better than before.) Watching stars plow through friends and enemies in high heels, big gowns, and big hair to get to the stage is more interesting than watching rows of Oscar-oriented people sitting upright at the Kodak Theater. This physical movement and close look at them is more than we usually ever see of them unless they are acting onscreen.
RICKY GERVAIS as host? He was amiable and appeared like a jack-in-the-box, as if he were surprised each time that he was hosting and he certainly wouldn't do it again. OK, if he added viewers, so much the better but the Globes probably don't need a host. Some people were offended by his beer-swilling onstage, but this is a well-known aspect of his stand-up act.
I thought the acceptance speeches of Mo'Nique, Meryl Streep, Sandra Bullock, Jeff Bridges and Christoph Waltz were especially touching and real. I liked Drew Barrymore in her childlike history, as if she had to explain who she is.
BECAUSE I am not an "Avatar" fan, I just find the big man of the night, James Cameron, a little hard to take. One can't really quarrel with the success of his said-to-be-groundbreaking movie and I think his wins at the Golden Globes are a definite presentment of the shape of things to come. Hollywood won't dare deny him an Oscar. But I simply don't believe real-life actors will become obsolete in favor of blue-tinged 3-D CGI and I find all that kind of creepy. (By contrast, we had on this same night on TCM, the great Olivia de Havilland, Montgomery Clift, Miriam Hopkins and Ralph Richardson in the black-and-white Henry James drama, "The Heiress." Sorry, but it makes something like "Avatar" look grotesque.)
SO MAYBE the best part of the Globes was the red carpet beginning where stars tried to keep their hemlines from dragging and their hair from going limp in the rain. Many a coiffure simply collapsed.
And it was my girl Mariah Carey who provided the most viewing fun. As soon as she arrived, big grapefruit-sized booms bared, Ryan Seacrest remarked, "Oh, we're just going to call you Miss Subtlety."
Mariah didn't think this was funny. Ryan kept trying to get her to talk about her celebrated appearance at the Palm Springs Film Festival -- just how much had she had to drink? Mariah insisted it was just one extra glass of champagne and said people don't understand the "silly humor" between her and "Precious" director Lee Daniels. Finally, the diva declared, "Let's not talk about people who've had too much champagne, hmmm?" Listen, Mariah is entitled to move on even when the Ryan Seacrests of the world can't seem to.
AT THE HBO Globes after-party, the winning Chloe Sevigny said, "People think I'm a bit icy; I'm actually very kind." She tried to prove this by posing with anyone who had a camera. In between non-icy pleasantries, she chain-smoked and applied lip-gloss. She also changed clothes. Dropping the over-ruffled number she wore to accept her award, she hit the after-party in a Christian Lacroix black tulle cocktail dress. It was a much better look for her.
She also opined that her polygamous wife in "Big Love" makes her know that "these women are kept extremely repressed. They should be helped. They don't even know who the president of the U.S. is."
Sevigny came to life when the '80s disco diva Grace Jones arrived. Chloe was photographed with Grace and showed the picture to her manager Danny Sussman: "Look! Look! Me and f---ing Grace Jones!" (Fabulous, what impresses people!)
Grace was in a typical leather jacket and wide brim hat with a black veil. On the arm of stylist Phillip Block, she said award shows should only happen after dark. "I find it silly for these girls to wear evening gowns in the afternoon." (But a veil is OK anytime?)
The evening's big topic of gossip was Jennifer Aniston, looking great, with Gerard Butler, also terrif since he's lost weight. An item, or just friends? They were cuddly and left together.
On the career front, Gerard and director Marc Forster have been talking about the latter's movie, "Machine Gun Preacher," about former drug-dealer-biker Sam Childers, a true tale. Childers had a spiritual awakening and set up an orphanage in the Sudan for kids rescued from prostitution and from becoming young military killers. Screenwriter Jason Keller was in Sudan over the weekend, polishing a script. And there's a juicy role for a woman, that of Childers' born-again stripper wife. (This is just the sort of thing Jennifer Aniston needs to break out from her predictable romantic comedy roles.)
OK then, onward and upward with Haiti's recovery and the dejection or projection of the Democrats' will to survive in Massachusetts.
Some people say that ruination now might mean the salvation and recovery of the party by the 2012 elections.
(E-mail Liz Smith at MES3838@aol.com, or write to her c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207.)
